Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
