it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
