and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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