she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
His hands were made for my vagina.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
