how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
