Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
