remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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