then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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