god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
