OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The air was thick with penises
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
