Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
