I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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