I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
