I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
