i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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