Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
