On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Brb crying the tears of my youth
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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