What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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