life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
