Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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