i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
