First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
