I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
