just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
