yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
