I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
