New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
