I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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