we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
