Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I love having hate sex.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
