I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
