I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
And then he peed in my hair
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