I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
