We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize