if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
True strength comes from lack of pants
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
