Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
