nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
