ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
