My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
