In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
