So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
