Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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