dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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