remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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