My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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