I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
