Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
