I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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