I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
