If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
