your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
