I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
