do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
