If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
